Speech presented at 7.13.2015, MinneapolisToastmasters Club 75
Why are you single Fan? You are cute and smart, why are you still single? For the last few years, I have got this question a lot, from my parents, my friends, even from some strangers. My grandpa is also within these people. My grandpa is a fortune teller, he drew a lot for me last week. The lot says that “You need to give up some of your fun time to find a partner.”God thinks I am still single because I live in a pleasure and idleness life. I really hope this is the real reason why I am single. But, unfortunately, my god, No! Everyone might live in an idleness lifestyle except poor phd students.
Fellow toastmasters, honor guests, today I will tell you four secrets about why I am still single. Please help me keep the secrets.
First, I have got enough laundry to do, I don’t want to get more. I am a busy person, I have got tons of things to do- doing research, reading, writing, and other things like doing toastmasters. Doing laundry and housework is not my priority. I’d like to keep them being finished as soon as possible. And I don’t think guys can help me do laundry or housework. I had a boyfriend, who tried to do laundry for me, and made my favorite white T-shirt into a pink one. So do I need a boyfriend, No, thanks!
The second reason, I don’t want to throw away my snow boots. Guys keep giving me weird outfit advices. For example, one of my ex boyfriend felt bothered with ugg boots. “What is that feathers-in-the-hair thing on you feet?” “Honey, I have my own dressing style, leave me alone, ok?” although I always changed my style when I was a young lady. Moreover, I don’t like wearing makeups all the time. Without a boyfriend, in the morning, I don’t need to get up earlier than him, wear my makeups and get well dressed in front of him. At night, I don’t need to wait for him and clean my face and take off makeups until he get into bed. Do I need a boyfriend, No, thanks!
Thirdly, I am single because I play Tinder. Instead of going to a bar or a party, I swiped left with car selfie, fish selfie, bathroom selfie or other kinds of selfie in the last few months. (don’t laugh and judge, I know some of you guys are on Tinder as well, I will keep the secret for you!) Social media is a channel for meeting new people, but unfortunately the odds of the successful date is very low. I need to be very very patient to find a guy make me swipe right, and wait for a good conversation from which we could start a date, not a one night stand. So Tinder, continue scaring me with selfies which will keep me single forever!
The last reason, actually it is the only real reason why I have decided to be single, is that I don’t want to rush into a marriage just because I am over 30 years old. I actually think that maybe I have skipped my first marriage because I know what I don’t want. There should really be a present for my wisdom, right? Maybe the present is a guy who is intelligent, witty, or even handsome, who can be my soulmate, lover and best friend forever. Do I need a guy to get married and then lose the chance to meet my soulmates, no thanks!
Grandpa, mom, and other strangers, please don’t feel bad for me still being single. I have chosen to be single, although I occasionally want to be around by somebody special and significant. If you have found a guy, who can do laundry himself, who don’t have topless, fish holding, and bathroom selfie in social media, who can give me plenty of freedom to be myself, and don’t want to rush into life as a routine, and most importantly, who is also waiting for a soulmate in his life, please introduce him to me. At least, I can share this why-I-am-still-single story with him, and get some positive feedback, that I can’t get from my mom.